The Shore
by Wife.of.Whimsy
Summary: Two unlikely people find solace in one another from opposite sides of the battlefield.
1. Head Above Water

Despite the truce reached an hour earlier, Kallen shifted uneasily in the heat of the fire. Her hands were cut free to allow her to eat, her stomach demanded she do so, but the apprehension froze her limbs. The boy sitting on the other side of the small fire was oblivious to her internal struggle. The firelight licked at the shadows across his handsome face, making him look softer and younger than he was. He smiled with a content sigh as he finished his meal. It seemed unlikely that this boy with kind eyes and a friendly smile for everyone at school despite how they treated him was the same boy that had ruthlessly thrown her to the ground and declared her a prisoner. The bruises that bloomed across the pale skin of her back twinged at the memory of it. She shifted again.

"Aren't you hungry?" he asked, blinking at her with wide, concerned green eyes. He wasn't concerned about a possible attack, Kallen thought bitterly, since he had clearly established his physical superiority earlier.

"I'm a vegetarian," was Kallen's droll reply. Her stomach twisted and growled again.

He laughed easily. "I don't think you can afford to be picky right now. Come on, I know you're starving."

"Yes, let's save the starving for prison," she sniped.

Suzaku blinked in surprise, then his gaze finally hardened. "We don't starve prisoners."

"Is that what they told you?" she scoffed. "So ignorant. It's almost adorable."

"We don't."

She remembered the cell, the metal shackles digging into her wrists. She remembered the confusion and the pain and the hunger. She remembered the heel of an officers boots cracking down on her forehead where she knelt on the dirty concrete.

"Sure," she muttered, finally convincing her arms to move. Her fingers carefully separated a piece of fish from bone and slipped the slightly burned meat into her mouth. The flavor was better than she had expected. Saliva pooled beneath her tongue as she chewed. Then, she noticed how Suzaku watched her curiously.

"What made you choose this?" he asked softly.

Kallen's chin tilted as a loud, genuine laugh was torn from her throat. "You think I chose this?"

"You didn't?"

Her eyebrows knit together and she looked at him bizarrely. It wasn't a strange questions, she knew, but the idea still seemed so ridiculous to her. Why on earth would she want to take up arms with people who bombed Japanese buildings and incited Britannian violence against the Japanese for the supposed glory of Japan?

"No." She busied her mouth with eating before she could divulge anything else. Her throat itched with the urge to talk, to finally get it off her chest. The possibility that maybe things would be easier if the truth was out in the open, that maybe redemption was an option, was entirely too tempting. To ward off the seduction, she stuffed her mouth with crispy fish.

"How did you end up here, then?" Suzaku seemed genuine like always.

Mouth full, Kallen could only made unintelligible sounds. Annoyed, Suzaku crawled around to sit by her side. The girl recoiled against the fat log behind her, staring at him through slitted eyes. Foolishly, she hated him for invaded what she had silently declared to be _her territory._

"Kallen," he said seriously, eyes burning with an intensity she didn't know he was capable of, "if I tell you a secret of mine, will you tell me the truth?"

She could only swallow some of the ridiculous amount of fish stuffed into her mouth. Her cheeks burned as he stared at her. Now more than ever she cursed her inability to lie. It was one thing she wished she had inherited from her parents.

"I killed my father," he blurted out. His voice sounded airy and weird.

Kallen choked. Alarmed, Suzaku grasped her thin wrist in one hand and beat the other against her back, calling her name and telling her, "God, I'm sorry! Breathe, just breathe. I'm so sorry." The sticky lump in her throat dislodged. She jumped forward, wincing, away from his hand. The bruises would surely be worse now.

"Sorry," he said meekly.

She cleared her throat for good measure and croaked, "No worries."

The silence between them was awkward. Suzaku still had his large, calloused hands on her, which made it worse. Static fuzzed through her brain. What was she supposed to say to that? How was she supposed to feel? The Prime Minister had seemed zealous to her as a girl. The speeches broadcast over radio and television were teeming with hatred. _"We will never surrender! To the last man, woman, and child- we will never surrender Japan!"_

"I-I took a knife and I killed him," Suzaku said again, voice stronger this time but still broken. His hand tightened around her wrist. Her large, blue eyes blinked owlishly as they locked with his. In the back of her mind, she wondered if this was how his hand tightened around the hilt of the blade when he murdered his father. _His father._ Tears pooled across his lower lids, glittering in his long lashes.

"Why did you do it?" she whispered.

His throat jerked as he gulped. A vein beneath his tanned skin twitched. "He wouldn't give up. People kept dying. I begged him to stop. I just wanted it all to stop. I-I thought-"

"You thought you were doing the right thing," she finished for him.

"Yeah." He shuddered. "I joined the military because I think I can make a difference from within, rather than with violence against them. But no matter what I do, I can't shake what I did."

In her head, she could almost hear Tamaki telling her to use this against him. To beat against this exposed weak point until he crumbled. Then, Suzaku lowered his head to her shoulder. Messy, brown curls that smelled like the ocean and smoke and boy tickled her neck. His breath puffed unevenly against her exposed collarbone.

"My older brother wanted to make the world a better place," she began quietly. "After our father left our mother for a Britannian woman, Naoto took it upon himself to take care of me. He used to tell me stories at night about peace and open fields and skies that weren't covered in smoke. He never told me how he was setting out to achieve it, though. When I was thirteen, he started disappearing for days a time. Once, he was gone for a whole month."

Suzaku lifted his head to look into her eyes when her voice began to shake.

"When I was fourteen, we lived in this tiny apartment in one of the ghettos with our mom. Soldiers kicked our door in one night and shot Naoto to death in the bed we shared. They dragged me away to prison. I didn't know why they kept saying I was a terrorist. Three weeks later, they decided I was broken down enough to re-enter society as a Britannian."

"Kallen," he whispered.

"My brother's comrades found me, took me under their wing. I promised myself I would never be that helpless or weak again. Things have gotten out of hand, though. Bombs are falling. Innocent people are being caught in the crossfire. I never wanted this."

It came out faint like a terrible secret. As a Black Knight, she was not supposed to regret anything. Zero told them it was all necessary, but Kallen couldn't chase away the thought that maybe it wasn't. Whenever the crippling self-doubt washed over her, she would remind herself that it was too late to turn back. They were chained to Zero now and if he went over the edge, they were damn well going with him.

Suzaku crushed her shoulders in a tight embrace. She made an embarrassing squeaking noise in the back of her throat. Hesitantly, she reached up and put one hand between his broad shoulders. The other curled awkwardly at her side, arm trapped by the boy's body.

"I'm so sorry, Kallen," he said into her hair and squeezed her tighter. "You must think I'm a real piece of shit."

She snorted at the unexpected phrase. "You kiss the princess with that mouth, Kururugi?"

Suzaku pulled away, blushing. "I don't kiss the princess."

"Not with a filthy mouth like that," she teased, shifting away from him and looked at the fire. For a moment, neither said anything. The tension from before had leaked from Kallen's muscles. Finally, she was able to relax somewhat against the log, though the contact with the rough bark made her cringe in pain again.

"Are you hurt?" asked Suzaku.

Kallen wanted to lie for the sake of her pride, but then he ran a hand over her back and the tiny yelp of pain escaped before she could stifle it.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"Stop saying that," huffed Kallen, glaring at him. "Let me go if you're so fucking sorry."

His lips twitched with a faint smile. "You kiss Zero with that mouth?"

"Maybe I do," she replied haughtily.

"Do you?" His words were sharp. When she looked at him his lips were pressed together in a hard line.

"No," she admitted. "The mask kinda gets in the way."

Suzaku looked down with an odd, withdrawn expression tightening his features. "Why do you follow him, Kallen? Can't you see what he's doing is wrong?"

"Everything these days is wrong. If you hadn't killed your father you would regret that, too."

"_What?"_ he sputtered.

"Think about it," she said fiercely, turning her whole body this time to face him properly, "if your father lived, millions of Japanese would have died. We were already losing. Perhaps not surrendering when we did would have made things worse. You would still be stewing in guilt no matter what you did."

His body went rigid. She could see his shoulders shaking. He couldn't meet her eyes.

"I follow Zero because I think he might be able to lead us into an age where it's possible to do the right thing. All we can do is keep our heads above water and swim like hell."

Instead of condemning her beliefs, Suzaku gently reached up with one hand and pulled her head towards his. His lips were chapped against hers. His eyes were closed. Kallen's eyes went wide as she was kissed for the first time in her life. Shocked into perfect stillness, she wracked her brain for an idea of what she was supposed to do. Panicked, she tried to pull back, but his hand held her firmly in place. When his lips pressed harder against hers, his wet tongue swiping against the seam of her lips, her eyes fell shut. Kallen nervously tried kissing him back, but felt clumsy and stiff. She was acutely conscious of how her mouth might taste like the fish she just ate. _How embarrassing._ Was it supposed to be this awkward? She wished Milly was here to answer her questions.

Suzaku took her lower lip and gently scraped his teeth over the plump flesh. Kallen inhaled sharply through her nose when his tongue brushed against hers. _His tongue is in my mouth. Oh my god. _It didn't make her see stars or angels or whatever Milly was always going on about, but the warmth and the pull of his lips and teeth and tongue were somehow better. Her heart pounded against its cage, and her blood felt hot.

He sighed against her mouth. She realized she wasn't the only one shaking. Slowly, he pulled away to examine her reaction. Kallen was relieved when his face was as red as hers felt.

She narrowed her eyes accusingly. "Is this because you saw me naked earlier?"

His eyes went comically wide before he bellowed with laughter.


	2. Drag

Suzaku's stomach rolled with anxiety each time he strode through the gates of Ashford Academy. Of course, he hadn't expected any drastic changes in Kallen's attitude towards him, but he hadn't expected her to look completely unaffected either. She wore a blank expression on her pale face; blue eyes vacant and silky red hair limply brushing against her shoulders. With her school uniform and demure smile, the girl looked completely harmless.

Ever since they returned from that strange island, the redhead seemed to be everywhere. He hadn't taken much notice of her before, but now the bright shade of her hair caught his eye wherever he looked. The memory of their kiss plagued him. His heart leaped into his throat when her eyes caught his. It was all rather silly, he told himself, since he had the beautiful Euphemia to focus on, though he rarely saw her these days. She was a kind, wonderful young woman who looked at him like he was the most important man in the world. Thinking of her pale hair and warm smile made him feel calm and loved and hopeful.

So why did it disappoint him that Kallen spared only the smallest effort to smile at him from across the student councils' table?

After a few days, he admitted to himself that he enjoyed the barbed words Kallen had thrown at him. The sassy young woman he had unknowingly faced countless times in battle made his heart race in a dangerous way. He chalked it up to intrigue and tried to ignore it, but it was increasingly difficult.

One day, he decided it made him angry. The duplicitous way Kallen locked herself away behind her best impression of a porcelain doll. He thought she deserved better, though he was not sure why. With great effort, he managed to hold onto that anger almost the entire day- even when he caught sight of her laughing with two other girls at lunch.

During a particularly dull psychology lecture, Suzaku caught himself daydreaming about red hair and firelight. He scrubbed a hand over his mouth and shifted in his seat. Embarrassment flushed through his body. It was wrong to think of her like that. She was a terrorist. A skilled terrorist. As the teacher began to discuss the areas of memory, Suzaku entertained the idea of what it would be like to fight side by side with Kallen. She wasn't professionally trained, but she was ruthless and raw in the Guren Mk-II. Together, he imagined, they would be unstoppable. A small hope bloomed in his heart that maybe he could sway her away from her dark path before it was too late. Her words from before regarding whether a "right path" existed echoed back to him, but he was filled with a sudden optimism that assured him there was a chance.

The day before the school festival, someone bumped into Kallen's shoulder in the hall. In keeping with her act, Kallen made no move to avoid them and promptly let her books fall from her hands with a weak gasp. She apologized to the boy in a thin voice, waving off his offer to help since he was clearly in a hurry. Suzaku recognized the moment as an opportunity, so he quickly knelt beside her.

"Here, let me help you," he murmured close to her ear.

She tensed for half of a second before replying, "How kind of you."

Some passersby whispered about how shameless the Eleven boy was to touch a Britannian girl's belongings. Kallen's eyes flicked up to the group of girls with a small hint of a glare in her pretty eyes.

"I'm damaging your reputation," Suzaku commented, unapologetic as he scooped her pencils back into her pink pouch with the broken zipper.

"They think you're going to attack me or something," she said. "How's that for irony?"

He piled the pencil pouch atop two notebooks and the thick chemistry textbook and gently placed them on the three other books in Kallen's arms.

"We're only enemies on the battlefield. I'm not going to attack you here, Kallen," he assured her warmly.

She stood, staring down at him with glazed eyes. "That's sweet and all, but I don't care what you do."

Frustration surged through him as she walked away. Determined, he followed after her. Suzaku carried his hope of saving her with him. As he stalked after her through the thinning crowd of students in the hall, he began to feel foolish. Why would she listen to him? What right did he have to preach about justice and truth when he was no more than a murderer? The people of Japan saw him as a traitor. Kallen might share their view, but she had kissed him back, after all. Perhaps she didn't hate him as much as he thought.

She rounded a corner, disappearing from sight. The last of the flood of students trickled past him as he pursued her. Suddenly, he was yanked by his collar and forcibly thrown into a small custodial closet. Kallen had been waiting for him. She pulled the chain of the bare light bulb hanging above them and shut the door behind her. The surprise and the pain from being flung into a set of shelves kept Suzaku from instinctively fighting back. He didn't have a chance to stand up straight either before she was standing just inches in front of him, eyes flashing and lip curling into a sneer. The worn edges of her textbooks dug into his hip.

"Why the hell are you following me? Can't you take a hint?"

He was tempted to make a joke about her filthy mouth, but blushed when he thought of what he had done to said mouth.

"I just want to talk."

"And I just want to throw you off the roof, but it doesn't look like either of us will get what we want." Her eyes were sharp like the knife he knew she carried.

"Kallen, come on, I just want us to be friends."

"Seems like you have enough _friends_," growled the girl. His pulse quickened. Her lips were terribly close. Focusing was beginning to be a chore.

"Wh-what's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing." Her spearmint breath came in an angry puff against his cheek. She made him dizzy. His mind spun with the idea of what it would be like to kiss her when she was angry. The image it created made his stomach quiver and his legs feel slightly weak.

As if she could read his mind, Kallen slapped his face. His skin stung and burned from the force of it, but Suzaku was more surprised than hurt by it. He blinked, dumbfounded.

"Stop staring at my mouth, pervert."

_Oh._ If only he could melt into the floor. He couldn't wholly regret any of it, though, because her cheeks went pink as well. It was odd how one person could look so innocent and dangerous in the same instant.

"Call me a pervert all you want, but you still kissed me back," he said smugly.

Her eyes went wide with horror. She backed away from him, made a rude gesture with one hand, and left him alone in the closet.

His bravado evaporated as he hurried to his next class. His late arrival provoked the disdain of the entire class and his teacher. Struggling to keep his head held high, he walked to his desk and slumped into his chair. Whispers slithered through the air behind him. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end when his ears caught the word "Eleven." As much as he appreciated the chance to experience a normal education, Suzaku selfishly wished he could stick to his duties as a soldier. Prejudice against him still ran rampant at the base, but the soldiers were trained to keep quiet about it most of the time.

By the end of the day he did not feel particularly social, but Suzaku dragged himself to the student council room anyway. Lelouch was seated at a desk in the corner, absorbed in whatever he was reading on his laptop. Nunnally was parked in her wheelchair by the open window, enjoying the light breeze on her face. Milly and Shirley were giggling over details of the festival while Nina sat to the side, anxiously staring at her lap.

Suzaku sat by himself at the end of the table and pulled a study guide for his upcoming chemistry test to give off the appearance of being busy as well. He stared at the equations on the paper without really seeing them until Milly's voice called out, "Kallen! I didn't see you in class. I thought you'd gone home for the day."

His head snapped up. Kallen brushed some hair away from her face and smiled weakly, "I felt ill. I spent the afternoon in the infirmary."

"Poor dear," Milly cooed, rushing to the girl's side at once to help her with her heavy school bag. "Will you be all right for tomorrow?"

"You shouldn't push yourself, Kallen," Shirley said kindly.

Suzaku almost wanted to laugh. _They'd lose their minds if they saw the real Kallen. _Did he really want the others to see the fire in her eyes and the graceful power she exuded when she wasn't playing the waif? He flushed hotly when he realized that, no, he did not. Her ferocity was a secret he had some ownership over for the time being and for some reason he enjoyed it.

"I'll be fine, but thank you for worrying," Kallen assured them, walking to Milly's side.

"No, no, you sit with Suzaku and study. We'll handle the final touches," Milly commanded.

Kallen bristled slightly, but only the Japanese boy caught the twitch of her sinewy muscles beneath her blazer and the subtle tensing of the muscles in her thighs between her skirt and her stockings.

"You're so kind, Milly," Kallen said lightly, slowly walking to take the seat beside Suzaku. The scent of orange blossoms brushed over his senses as she sank into the chair.

"You smell nice," Suzaku complimented brightly.

Anger flashed in her eyes.

"Kallen always smells nice," Shirley added.

Milly snickered behind her hand, while Nina looked lost. Suzaku caught Lelouch glancing at him strangely.

"I'm armed," Kallen whispered menacingly, turning to face him so the others couldn't see her.

"You won't do anything here," Suzaku joked in a low voice. "Wouldn't want to blow your cover, right?"

Kallen's lips curled into a feral smile, "I don't know, it might be worth it to make you _bleed._"

"What are you whispering about over there?" Milly called.

Kallen faked a cough. "Suzaku doesn't understand the chemistry homework."

The three girls at the other end of the table looked at him pityingly. Suzaku grit his teeth. He knew he wasn't the smartest guy in the world and he wasn't exactly ashamed of it, but he hated being treated like an idiot. He was about to brush it off with a laugh and a flippant comment when Kallen had the audacity to _smirk_ at him with those pretty lips. His heart felt like a wild thing in his chest.

"Yeah, I don't think poor Kallen can handle much more, so I'm going to walk her home."

Kallen's eyes looked ready to pop out of her skull. Her face went redder than he'd ever seen it and a vein pulsed in her temple. He began packing his bag while biting back his laughter.

"Aw, that's so sweet of you, Suzaku," Shirley and Milly gushed in unison.

"Yes, it is, but it's not necessary. I can walk by myself," Kallen argued.

Suzaku pulled his bag over his shoulder and held out his hand. "I may be a lousy student, but I'm an _excellent_ bodyguard."

_If looks could kill,_ he thought as she glowered at him. With a loud sigh, she tucked her belongings into her bag. Suzaku quickly snatched the two textbooks that wouldn't fit within it with a cheeky smile. Kallen cleared her throat before taking his hand.

"See you tomorrow!" Milly waved with a large smile. Lelouch's eyes tracked the odd pair as they left together.

Kallen's nails dug into his palm with almost enough force to draw blood. Once they were a safe distance down the hall, Suzaku snatched his throbbing hand away.

"_I fucking hate you,"_ Kallen seethed. The words, though harsh, made his insides clench in a delicious way. Kallen was the only female he knew who would use such foul language.

"Fucking hate you, too," he shot back with a laugh, quickly looking over his shoulder to make sure they were still alone. Something about swearing in the school building felt naughty.

"Give me my books back or I'll stab you in the balls."

Suzaku dodged her attempt to grab her books from him. "What kind of gentleman would I be if I made a lady carry her own books?"

"Who said you were a gentleman?" Her fist came down on his shoulder so hard it sent sparks down his arm. Steadfast, he did not surrender the books.

"If you don't give those back, I'll tell everyone that you kissed me," she threatened with a self-satisfied smirk.

"Go ahead. I'll tell 'em that you _liked_ it."

"You're a bad liar, Suzaku. No one would believe you."

"Who said it was a lie?" He nudged her playfully with his elbow, causing her to stumble. Fists clenched, she let out a growl.

"Fuck off, you pathetic Britannian lapdog."

His eyebrows raised high on his forehead. "You know, it's becoming more and more apparent why you're still single. You're downright unpleasant when you want to be."

"Should I go back to being all frail? It seems like that's more your speed."

Frowning, he asked, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Kallen tossed her hair primly and tilted her chin up. "You like damsels in distress. Makes you feel like a real man when you rescue girls, doesn't it?" Her eyes popped wide with realization. "That's why you're following me around! You're trying to 'save me' or whatever."

Being on the same page with this infuriating girl was obviously not meant to be. He teased, she snarled. She teased, his brain sputtered in indignation.

"I like helping people," he said defensively. "Is that such a terrible thing?"

"I bet you prefer weak coffee, too." She was practically cackling, she was laughing so hard. For a moment, Kallen had to bend over and hold her stomach until her laughter tapered off into vicious snickering.

He stopped as well to scowl at her. "I do not like weak women."

"Oh," she laughed, "yeah, Princess Bubblegum seems like a real tiger."

"Don't insult Her Majesty."

"Don't get your panties in a bunch. I hear she has a soldier with a severe knight-in-shining-armor complex ready to save her from her hurt feelings." Her shoulders quaked.

They finally reached the doors and stepped out into the sunlight. At the sight of the croquet club practicing nearby, Kallen schooled her features into her usual blank stare with scary precision. He hated when she did that. This Kallen was nearly impossible to read. When she was acting as herself, her emotions were easy to pick out.

"You're a good actress," he said sullenly.

"And you're a good doormat," she snapped.

Kallen had gotten under his skin. He couldn't deny it anymore. A sweet anger slid down his chest and pooled in his stomach. While they walked down the gravel path toward the gates, Suzaku's eyes slid over to her face every few seconds. Why didn't he hate it when she set his insides on fire?

In silence, they passed through the gates. On the sidewalk, Kallen stopped and held out her arms. At first, Suzaku thought she was motioning for an embrace, but that couldn't possibly be right.

"Give me my books, moron," she ordered.

"No," he refused, "I'm walking you home."

She put her hands on her hips. "If this is your way of trying to find out where I live, you are the worst spy ever."

"If I wanted to know, I have ways of finding out these things. I'm just trying to walk you home like a normal guy." He tried to give her his most genuine smile, softening his eyes.

Instead of blushing like other girls did, Kallen jutted her hip out and said, "Normal guys leave me alone when I tell them to."

She must have accepted that fact that he fully intended to see her home because she spun on her heel and walked briskly away. Suzaku adjusted his bag on his shoulder before jogging to reach her side.

When Euphie, darling and sweet Euphie, stood in the palm of Ganymede's hand and declared to the masses below her plans for the area around Mt. Fuji, Suzaku felt a rush of adoration. His first thought was of how proud he was to be her knight. His second thought was of what a certain redheaded girl's reaction might be. Maybe Zero would agree to cooperate. Maybe the senseless fighting would be over. Maybe Kallen would be saved.

After escorting the brave princess to her palace, Suzaku returned to Ashford to aid in cleaning the premises. The sun had long since set and the students tried to work quickly, most of them only thinking of sweet sleep after the tiring day.

Even in the dark, Kallen was easy to spot. She kept to the edges of the courtyard, slowly collecting trash with gloved hands.

"Kallen!" shouted the soldier as he ran up to her, beaming.

She tensed at his call, but did not return the greeting. When he reached her, she only looked at him coldly. The happy glow in his heart withered under her stare.

"What's wrong? Aren't you happy about this? This solves everything!"

Kallen trembled with anger. "Does it? Does it really?"

"Of course. We'll be able to live as Japanese again. We can stop fighting."

"Suzaku, do you honestly think this is going to go over well?" Kallen tilted her head and looked at him strangely. "The emperor wants to exterminate us like vermin. I highly doubt Euphemia got the green light from her doting father before making that speech."

"But-"

"But what? What if the emperor allows it? Hooray for us. We'll have a scrap of land and we might be able to live in that bubble without feeling stripped of our humanity. Outside it will be the same. The Britannians will still think of us as numbered cattle. Mark my words: this is not going to end well."

Suzaku glanced at the few students wandering around the small courtyard and then, once he was sure they were looking away, grabbed Kallen by the arm. With a rough grip he wouldn't dare to use on any other woman, Suzaku dragged her into a dark passage where they were hidden by stone pillars and shadows.

"Why can't you just be happy about something for once? It's a small victory, I know, but you're treating it like a bomb that's about to go off. Are you so hellbent on drowning in your own miserable existence that you can't even be a little happy about this?" He clasped both hands around her small, but strong shoulders while he made his speech and, at the end, gave her a little shake. She glared up at him. He always forgot how petite she was until they were invading each other's personal space. Even Euphemia was taller than the Guren's pilot.

"Why does it matter so much to you?" She nearly shouted before remembering the need to be quiet.

"_Because I don't want to have to kill you, Kallen,"_ Suzaku whispered fiercely. He gave her body another shake and accidentally sent the back of her skull into the pillar. She grunted and rubbed the injury, cringing.

"Like I'd give you the upper hand," she grumbled. It killed any guilt he felt at hurting her.

"Kallen, I'm serious. We have better tech and more money than the Black Knights do. One of these days you'll lose your edge and I don't want to have to hurt you."

"And why not?" she demanded.

"I don't know!" he exploded. "You make me so angry and curious and afraid and I kind of hate it, but at the same time I don't want to hurt you either."

His fingers loosened around her shoulders, melting into a gentle hold.

"Aren't you and Bubblegum going steady or something?" she asked quietly, scratching at her neck.

He gaped. "What? No. I like her a lot and I respect her, but I wouldn't make any declarations of love while still being confused as hell about you."

"It's not my fault," she grumbled. "You're easily confused."

Without warning Suzaku crushed his lips against hers. He had been itching to kiss her since the island, but now it was more out of a need to shut her up. With both hands cupping her cheeks, he tilted her head to the angle he preferred and roughly parted her lips with his tongue. A grunt was pulled from his lungs when she returned the kiss with equal force. Her hands slipped under his jacket. He jerked against her in shock when her sharp nails scratched his lower back through his shirt. Then, she dragged her hands around to his chest. Surely, he worried, she would feel how fast his heart was beating. But her tongue rubbed against his and he couldn't bring himself to care anymore.

Until, of course, she shoved him away. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she looked at him as if he were the devil himself.

"Knock it off," she said uneasily before trying to stalk away on wobbly legs.

* * *

Author's Note: Rating might change in future chapters


	3. Rip Current

After Euphemia's death, Kallen thought the world was ending. Riots broke out all over the country. The Black Knights broke their leashes kept by Zero's gloved hand and went crashing through the cities. More destruction than the young woman had ever seen was eating her beloved Japan. All she could was struggle to keep up and bite back the vile and the urge to scream. Suzaku was a real terror in his grief. For the first time, she worried about facing the Lancelot, though a brave front was kept in Zero's presence. Facing her friends on the student council at Ashford in her dark uniform made her feel turned inside out. They were afraid of her.

And then the white knight caught the demon. Kallen came dashing in after them and in that cave the foundation of her world was rocked. The truth had spilled out like vomit on the rocks. Suzaku was furious like she'd never seen him, his entire body was taught like a bow ready to fire. His eyes were maniacal. Lelouch had a strange power. He could've very well manipulated her to follow him. Then, he screamed about Princess Euphemia and the real horror behind her death.

Kallen felt like she had been shoved into a dream that she could not crawl out of. Zero abandoned them. Zero was Lelouch. She left him in that cave with Suzaku. Zero was declared dead. Lelouch returned to Ashford.

Things almost started making sense again when Zero was resurrected. Kallen felt better this time around knowing just who was under the mask. While she had her reservations about him, her respect for him grew. Especially when he successfully tore so many Japanese people out from under the hand of the emperor by dressing them in his own disguise. They were all Zero that day and the symbol became something more.

She liked remembering that day. The serenity that came from knowing they had saved lives soothed her in the more troubling times. It was pathetic, but she didn't have much else to cling to.

The lock of her cell beeped as an ID badge was swiped and granted access. The glass door slid open with a hiss. A guard stepped in. Lazily, Kallen's head rolled to look at him.

"Up you get. Sir Kururugi has some questions for you," he said drolly.

Indifferent, Kallen rose from her narrow cot and allowed the guard to shackle her for the transfer to the strange glass cell she had been interrogated in before. She had only been in the Britannian prison for a few hours, but it had been a baffling few hours. Nunnally sent her a letter and a silky yellow dress to wear. Her flight suit had been ripped, so Kallen quickly changed into it. Walking into the glass cell with the ornate armchair, Kallen caught her reflection and thought she looked more ridiculous than she ever had. The guard shackled her to the chair and left.

A minute later, Sir Kururugi, Knight of Seven to the Holy Britannian Emperor, strode up the gangway and into her pretty little prison. The white uniform he wore glowed in the faint light. The blue and gold cape billowed behind him. His posture was severe. The kindness was gone from his eyes. He looked older than he had before everything had really gone to hell.

When the door slid shut behind him, Kallen noticed a small case in his hand. She shifted in her chair and tried to breathe normally. Her chest felt tight with apprehension. The urge to move itched in her limbs.

"Kallen," said the knight, "who is Zero?"

She let out a shaky breath. "I don't know. Why don't you go ask him?"

He met her eyes for the first time and she felt pinned like an insect. The rage she had seen in him on a few occasions burned behind his eyes. Suddenly she wasn't so sure she would make it out of this place in one piece.

Calmly, Suzaku knelt. He opened the case and withdrew from it a large syringe and an unmarked vial. Kallen's lungs shriveled in her chest. Her entire body went taut and cold. _No. No, please God, no. _

The man stood once he had drawn a good amount of fluid from the vial, flicking the syringe with his fingers to dispel any air bubbles.

"This is Refrain," he told her.

Tears blurred her vision. Her throat squeezed. "Please," she whispered.

"The games aren't fun anymore, Kallen. If you won't tell me what I want to know, then this will make you talk." He buried his fingers in her hair and pulled her head to one side. She cried out in pain, trying to struggle against the metal around her wrists.

"Don't do this," she begged when she felt the sharp point of the needle press against her neck. The tears in her eyes were shaken loose and went tumbling over her cheeks. Fear like this hadn't screamed through her body since her brother died. Her bare feet scrambled against the cool floor, but he held her still.

She braced herself, but the skin of her neck never broke. The rush of the drug never came. The syringe clattered to the floor.

Trembling, Kallen pried her wet eyes open to see Suzaku kneeling beside her, head bowed and shoulders quivering harder than hers.

"What the hell am I doing," he murmured to himself.

The air that had been trapped in her lungs left her in one huge breath. She swallowed back a sob. Mechanically, the soldier before her produced a key from his pocket and unlocked her shackles. For a moment she wondered if he realized what he was doing. Then, she struck.

Suzaku did not fight back when her fist made contact with his nose nor did he move to defend himself when her leg swung up to kick the side of his head. Limply, he absorbed the attacks until Kallen flopped back into her chair and crossed her arms over her stomach.

"Kallen, I'm so-"

"You can kill me now. I've attacked a Knight of the Round. Run along and fetch my death sentence like a good little soldier," she barked with more power than she felt she had. Her body still shook.

Suzaku looked up at her with watery eyes. "I'm not going to kill you. I deserved that._ I can't believe I-"_

"I can. You've really become one of _them_. How proud your commanding officers must be."

One of his hands reached out for the arm of her chair. Pulling himself, he shifted so that he was in front of her, still kneeling.

"Kallen, forgive me. I haven't been right since Eu- since she died. I don't know what I was thinking. I crossed the line."

"Quit babbling," she snarled. "I don't give a shit that you're sorry. I hate you."

His throat convulsed with a hard swallow. The rage in his eyes was replaced by sorrow and dread. "Do you really mean that?"

"Of course I do! You're the enemy."

"But we-"

"But we what?" She just wanted to cry and sleep. She wanted to see Lelouch. She wanted to be out from under Suzaku's intense stare.

He didn't give her an answer. He only stared with those miserable eyes.

Back in her little cell, Kallen sat on the cot and tucked the dress around her as she curled into a ball in the corner. Exhausted, she turned toward the wall and tried to sleep in hopes of dreaming of a pleasant place.

Into slumber she sank, but her mind did not travel to running down dirt paths with her brother or laughing at Ashford. Suzaku, demonic and wielding a needle, commanded her subconscious. As Dream Suzaku penetrated her clammy skin with the needle and thrust the drug into her shaking body he kissed her lips with a softness she had almost forgotten he had once possessed.

Hours later, she awoke to a loud _beeeeeep_ and a muffled, _"Shit!" _

Kallen's eyes flew open, but she didn't turn over. Her dinner tray had already been delivered and lay untouched in the center of the floor, so why was someone visiting her cell this late? The sensation of a someone leaning over her electrified her senses. When she felt they were close, she swung her leg up and kicked them soundly in the leg.

"Ah! Fuck, Kallen!" Suzaku cried, staggering away.

She flipped to sit on her knees and glared at him. The kiss he had planted on her in her dream and the way he said her name made her face feel hot and her stomach tighten. The feeling pulled her gaze toward his mouth. Even in the dim light she could see the cut in the corner of his mouth and the bruise swelling on his cheekbone.

"What are you doing in here? You trying to drug me in my sleep?"

Suzaku looked out of place in his white t-shirt and loose gray sweatpants. He was barefoot. Kallen blushed harder when he noticed she was staring at his bare feet, raising his eyebrows questioningly.

"This isn't exactly the place for a slumber party," she said scathingly.

He stood up straight and nervously scratched the back of his neck. Kallen's mouth felt dry when she saw the way his tight sleeve stretched around his bicep. Thankfully, his eyes were looking anywhere but her so he didn't see her gawking.

"I just... uh... wanted to make sure you were okay."

Her eyes blinked slowly at him. "You do know I'm in a prison cell, right?"

He sighed and admitted, "I couldn't sleep."

"Oh, well, you're welcome to share my huge, comfortable bed," Kallen said with a grand gesture toward her cot.

Suzaku looked at the floor with anguish scrunching his face into something pathetic. "I'm sorry."

"Ugh," she groaned, rearranging the excess of fabric tangled around her so she could lay on her back. "I think I liked you better when you were being a pompous asshole."

She stared at the ceiling while he sat on the concrete next to her head, his back pressed against the metal frame. He smelled faintly of soap. An image of him showering flashed behind her eyes. Instinctively she smacked a hand over her forehead as if to beat the evil thought out of her mind.

"You're so weird," he muttered, tugging her elbow until her hand was pulled away from her brow. He brought her limb over his shoulder and laced their fingers together. Kallen finally looked over at him when he rested his stubbly cheek against her hand. It seemed bizarre that this boy piloted a machine that wreaked havoc and could seem so vulnerable. The White Grim Reaper was holding her hand to soothe his battered mind. A pang of sympathy stabbed at her heart.

"I'm sorry about what happened," she murmured softly. "I didn't have any fuzzy feelings for the princess, but she didn't deserve what happened."

Kallen was too afraid to move when she heard a sniffle from the boy.

"How could I have failed her so badly? I should've been there faster," he said roughly. His free hand came up to drag through his already messy hair and pull at the roots.

"There wasn't anything you could have done, Suzaku. You said yourself that it was Lelouch's geass that did it."

His shoulders lifted with a deep breath and shuddered. Not knowing what else to do, Kallen smacked the back of his head.

"Quit hogging all the blame. There won't be enough to go around," she told him. She pulled her hand away from him and turned onto her side to scowl at the wall again. Petulantly, she wondered if he regretted kissing her. Did he wish he had fully committed himself to Euphemia? She wouldn't be surprised if he resented her for distracting him.

She was surprised, however, when his slender, strong body curled around hers on the small cot. How did the two of them fit? Her forehead was nearly pressed to the wall. She let out a small squeak when one arm went over her hips and the other hooked under her head so she was pillowed upon the bicep she had admired earlier. His fingers curled into her hair. Kallen could hardly draw breath she was so nervous.

"I did something horrible to Lelouch," he confessed quietly into her ear. His breath against her neck made her shiver. Warmth tickled her belly.

"What... what did you do?" she asked, trying to ignore the feeling of his chest pressing against her back.

"I took him to the emperor. I held him down and forced him to look at his father while his memories of Nunnally were being erased." Suzaku sounded eerily calm, but Kallen knew what poison swirled beneath it. Similar guilt slithered through her when she tallied up old sins.

"Lelouch isn't exactly a saint," Kallen replied.

"That doesn't mean I had a right to do what I did. I loathe him for killing Euphie, but that doesn't excuse what I did." His arms tightened around her.

"I know. We've all done horrible things," she said with a lump in her throat. "Do you ever just want to scream? This is all so messed up. It wasn't supposed to be like this."

The cold tip of his nose brushed against her warm neck a moment before his lips did. Kallen couldn't fathom why what she was saying warranted a kiss.

"Sometimes I wish I could give up," she confessed.

"Me too."

He nuzzled her neck again, peppering more soft kisses up to her hairline. Sparks skittered around her insides. Softly, his thumb stroked against her stomach. Under his touch she shivered. Once again she had no idea how to react or reciprocate. Between Suzaku and the wall, she had no space to move away even if she wanted to, which was a quickly dying desire.

So she let out a childish whine.

"What's wrong?"

She could feel his lips form the words against her skin.

"What the hell are we doing?" she growled.

"_I'm_ kissing your neck," he chuckled. _"You're_ just lying there like a cold fish."

Her elbow met his ribs sharply. "You're the one that wanted to cuddle. I never invited you into my bed."

"Well, this bed is property of the Holy Britannian Empire, but if you want me to leave I will."

"I don't even know why you're here in the first place." To most, Suzaku seemed a little simple, but he baffled Kallen. For a minute, he was silent and it gave her an opportunity to attempt to think. She had enjoyed both the kisses they shared, but over the last year she had been so sure it would never happen again. How the hell did she end up in a Britannian prison _in bed with Suzaku?_

"There's this pressure in my head that won't go away. I feel like I could just explode one day and kill everyone in my path," he explained. "I know we didn't spend a ton of time together and I know you don't really like me, but telling you things helps."

"Knight of Seven likes me. I really suck at this whole terrorist thing."

He shifted behind her and rested his head against hers. "Don't worry. Everyone else is still scared to death of you."

She snorted. "You better talk me up at those little meetings of yours. My reputation is important."

"I wonder how your precious Zero would react if he knew you _cuddled_ with the enemy," he taunted lowly in her ear, squeezing her abdomen with his arm.

She shivered and elbowed him again. "If you say one word, I will render you unable to bear children."

"I don't think people like us should have children, personally."

"At least they wouldn't get bullied," Kallen pointed out, turning her head to look at him. "I mean, really, who's going to take lunch money from a kid with a wallet knife?"

Suzaku caught her lips with his in a quick kiss as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "I guess you have a point."

"God, it's been such a weird day," she groaned.

"Yeah," Suzaku said slowly. "Do you think Zero is going to come after you?"

Kallen didn't know and that worried her. Lelouch had promised, but why would he take the risk for one pilot even if it was his ace?

"I wouldn't blame him if he didn't."

Before he could make some sentimental reply, her stomach let out a low grumble. Suzaku didn't hesitate in getting off the bed. Cold air washed over her in his absence. She rolled onto her back, her cramped shoulders and neck aching to pop. The knight picked up the tray of stale food- an old bread roll and a bowl of stew- and sat by her side.

"Are you going to feed me?" she joked, batting her eyelashes up at him. _Am I flirting with him? Fuck's sake, Kallen, pull yourself together._

"You shouldn't starve yourself, Kallen. You need your strength if Zero's going to leave you to fend for yourself."

Suzaku offered her his hand and helped her sit up. Taking the tray from him, Kallen picked up the spoon and obediently ate the stew. He cracked a small half-smile that almost made him look like his old self.


	4. Floating

In the end, Lelouch had granted his childhood friend one last gift: the punishment of living only as Zero. Suzaku Kururugi was dead. The thought was never far from his mind as he dutifully kept watch over the little empress, who looked at him with those big eyes that reminded him of her late brother. The pain of standing there like a ghost while the others went about building better lives and doing things he ached to do was intoxicating and no more than he deserved. In secret, Suzaku was thankful for it. Perhaps one day he would endure enough pain to balance his guilt.

He watched his old comrades and the Black Knights from within the safety of his mask while meeting with them. None of them looked like they suspected anything, though to the Black Knights that had been with Zero from the beginning it was apparent that it was not the same man within the disguise. Ohgi, who had stepped into his role as Japan's prime minister with ease, treated him with respect. Gino sometimes stared at him with suspicion when he thought Zero wasn't looking his way.

He only really despised his fate when he saw the former ace of the Black Knights. She didn't attend the meetings regularly since she was not as involved in politics these days, but Ohgi valued her input. Suzaku looked forward to seeing her. She often came dressed casually, looking more like the normal teenager she should have been. He found these meetings more difficult to conduct because his mind always took him back to the sweet moments he stole with the girl. The girl who thought she was responsible for his supposed death. Did she grieve for him? He wished he could ask. It felt slightly sadistic to wish she had. It was never clear what he meant to her.

Kallen didn't so much as glance his way, even when he addressed her directly. Overall, the girl had let herself sink into the quiet persona of her early Ashford days. Suzaku knew she was living in a small apartment near the academy with her mother and that she was attending classes once more. Her pursuit of education to better her life made him feel a twinge of happiness for her sake, but he couldn't stop the worry that bubbled up when she made an appearance with the Black Knights looking emotionally drained. Gino was obviously worried as well. Suzaku often overhead his boisterous ex-comrade trying to wheedle the girl into accompanying him to lunch or the cinema or even the beach. His advances were always rejected politely.

Almost a year after Lelouch's death, Nunnally grabbed Suzaku's hand while he pushed her wheelchair down a corridor and blurted out, "Zero, invite Kallen to the palace. I want to see her."

Suzaku nearly balked at the command. The empress blinked up at him with pleading eyes like she knew it was Suzaku under the mask. He was terrible at denying her.

"Yes, Your Excellency," he replied.

While he stood watch over Nunnally at dinner, he considered sending her a letter. A letter was nice and impersonal, but what would he say? There wasn't much to write, so perhaps it would be more of a note in the end. Would a note seem disrespectful? Then, he realized that Kallen could easily ignore a simple note. And he had no idea what was going on in her head these days, so she very well might ignore it.

Suzaku grimaced behind his mask. He would have to invite her himself. There wasn't a meeting scheduled within the next month and he wasn't comfortable with sneaking into her home where her mother was trying to recover. It wasn't as if he could just show up at her school either.

Then, a snide voice in the back of his head suggested simply calling the girl. He felt like a perfect fool.

The next day Suzaku waited until two o'clock in the afternoon when Nunnally asked to be left alone in the library to place the call. He paced back and forth in his private suite, phone in hand, and tried to compose a speech that would sound like Lelouch. Eventually he realized he could not and was putting far too much effort into what should be a simple task.

"Hello?" Kallen's voice sounded tired when she answered.

"Kallen, it's Zero." In only a few seconds, he already felt tongue-tied and dumb.

The other end of the line was quiet for a long moment. "Why are you calling me? Is something wrong?"

"Her Majesty requests an audience with you."

Suzaku could hear what sounded to be like another man shouting something obscene. Then, Kallen's voice replied, _"You wish, asshole!" _Unbidden, a laugh slipped out of his mouth. It sounded strange through the mask.

After a bit of static and another curse, Kallen put the phone back against her ear. "Sorry about that. When does she want to see me?"

"At your earliest convenience."

"All right, I'll be there in an hour."

She disconnected the call without waiting for his answer. Suzaku stared down at the phone in disbelief. _An hour?_ His stomach knotted. _She's just coming to see Nunnally. I don't have to say anything to her. _

The empress was, of course, thrilled. She immediately insisted on changing into a nicer dress and kindly asked if the kitchen staff would mind providing tea and some little cakes from the previous night's dinner. Suzaku went to the balcony overlooking the front gardens while Nunnally went to her suite with her ladies' maids and readied herself.

An hour after the phone call, a girl entered the gardens Suzaku kept watch over. She strode with purpose like a warrior off to battle, but wore a white summer dress and a lavender cardigan. Her hair, which had been allowed to grow a little past her shoulders, was tossed around her head by the wind. When she disappeared from view, Suzaku smoothed his uniform over his nervous gut and went inside to greet her. In the entry room, she held her arms out while allowing two guards to pat her body down for weapons and search her bag. Annoyed, she looked up at Zero as he descended the principal staircase.

Suzaku sucked in a deep breath to steady his nerves. Then, he bellowed, "Miss Kozuki is an old friend of Her Majesty. Let her through."

The guards bowed their heads and stepped away from the irritated girl. She snatched her purse away from them and followed Zero to Nunnally's favorite sitting parlor on the second floor. A tense silence crackled around them as they walked. Suzaku sneaked glances at her and wanted desperately to say something, anything to break the silence. He wanted to tell her she looked pretty.

Nunnally smiled serenely from her place at the table when the pair entered the room. "Kallen! I've missed you."

Kallen bowed her head out of respect and took the other seat at the small table with a lace tablecloth and an inviting display of tea and cakes. "How have you been, Your Highness?"

The empress giggled and wrinkled her nose, looking more like the sixteen-year-old girl she was. "Call me Nunnally. I'll never get used to the fancy titles."

Suzaku stood a few feet behind Nunnally's back, watching Kallen's expressions and mannerisms. It seemed like a decade since he'd seen her smile.

"You deserve the fancy titles and the respect that comes with it," Kallen said kindly as she poured a cup of tea, first for the young empress and then for herself. "Have you been getting on well?"

"Quite well, thank you. Zero has been most attentive and helpful."

"And the UFN leaders? Tell me if they're rude. I'm not above knocking some heads together."

Nunnally laughed again. "Some of them haven't adjusted to the idea of my being empress, but I can't really blame them since I still can't believe it some days."

Kallen smiled and wrapped her hands around her warm teacup. "You're doing a brilliant job. Lelouch would be so proud."

"Do you really think so?" Nunnally asked shyly.

The redhead looked surprised. "Of course. There's no one more qualified than you for this. Who gives a damn about how young you are?" When she realized what she had said, she blushed. "Sorry."

"I've heard worse," Nunnally said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Have you been going to school?"

"Yeah. I'm back at Ashford. It's... not really the same, though."

"I bet there's a lot of people missing."

Kallen smiled sadly. "Yeah. I still talk with Milly when she visits. She's at some fancy-shmancy university studying journalism."

"That sounds like a good fit for her. Have you applied to any universities yet?"

Suzaku was suddenly thankful for Nunnally's inviting her. These were things he had been wanting to ask her himself, but didn't know how to without giving himself away.

"Not yet. Ohgi keeps telling me to go into political science so he can retire, but I can't see myself as a politician. Gino says I should take a couple years off and travel with him."

The blond knight was once a good friend of Suzaku's, but he found himself hoping he wouldn't get his way. Every time he heard Gino flirt with Kallen he wanted to hit something. His jealousy was useless, though. What did he have to offer Kallen? A plagued mind? An identity crisis? Gino was far more suitable to be her lover. Still, he resented his friend for it.

"You should be one of my advisors!" Nunnally cried excitedly. "I'd hire you even without any university. You're so smart, Kallen, and you would know what's truly best for Japan. I know we haven't spoken in a while, but you're one of the only ones who understood my brother. You understand what it's like for me. I think of you as one of my best friends."

Kallen blushed again and shook her head in embarrassment. "I think of you as a good friend, too, Nunnally. I don't think I'm exactly qualified, though."

"You're so modest," Nunnally laughed. "Oh, say you'll think about it."

"All right, I'll think about it."

The smile that softened her eyes made Suzaku's chest ache.

"How's your mother doing?" Nunnally asked kindly.

If he had blinked, he would have missed the subtle tightening in Kallen's eyes.

She cleared her throat and said, "She's fine."

Suzaku silently willed Nunnally to call her out on whatever she was hiding. He desperately wanted to ask what was wrong.

"You're lying," said the empress gently after a minute.

Kallen scratched the side of her nose with a pale pink fingernail and cleared her throat again. "My mom died a few months ago."

"Have you told anyone? I haven't heard anything from Ohgi or the others."

"No. She was cremated. There wasn't a funeral. Ohgi was in South America on business. Plus, Villetta just had a baby so I didn't want to rain on their parade."

"No one else knows?"

Kallen shrugged one of her bony shoulders. "It'd be weird to bring it up now. Mom didn't have any friends or family, so there wasn't anyone to tell on that front."

"Oh, Kallen, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have to deal with that on your own."

"It's fine." She had gotten more talented at hiding her feelings, Suzaku noted. "I'm just happy I got a little more time with her."

"If you want to talk about it with me, you can. I'd like to think we're friends, Kallen."

"Of course we are, Nunnally," Kallen smiled. "I'm still adjusting to... life, I guess."

"It feels like a dream, doesn't it?"

"It does."

Two hours later, Kallen and Nunnally bid each other goodbye with a kiss to the other's cheek. Suzaku escorted the older girl to the doorway. She kept her head forward and her mouth shut as they walked, but he noticed her cheeks were pink.

As they parted, he managed to weakly say, "I'll see you at the next meeting, Kallen."

She nodded and stepped out into the bright afternoon sun. He watched her go and then spent the rest of the day in a sullen trance, wishing he had been able to talk to her and hold her and kiss her. Knowing she was alone and isolating herself worried him. It worried him enough to consider contacting her again.

While Nunnally wished him a good night, she tilted her head and smiled up at him and said, "Zero, you should take a few days off. Things are quiet here. You deserve a break."

"Your Majesty, I couldn't-"

"Sure you can. It's an order." She left no room for argument and wheeled herself into her bedroom.

Suzaku, dressed in an old sweatshirt, baggy jeans, and a faded baseball cap pulled low over his eyes, crept out of the palace and into the balmy darkness of a warm summer night. In his hand, a slip of paper with an address crumpled helplessly with the force of his grip. He told himself this wasn't "stalking" but rather "checking up on an old friend." Each time he went over it in his head, it became less believable.

The air was sticky and hot. He regretted wearing the sweatshirt, but it had seemed necessary. Sweat beaded along his hairline and between his shoulders. He could feel his t-shirt dampen and cling to his skin. He felt disgusting. His task felt disgusting.

The nondescript apartment building had no security whatsoever and this irked Suzaku deeply. Kallen was a force of nature, to be sure, but she wasn't invincible. So what if the war was over? Plenty of people could be holding a grudge against her.

He quickly deduced which window belonged to her before sneaking up the fire escape. Most windows were conveniently curtained, but Kallen's was left open. Shaking his head, Suzaku knelt and peeked inside. The small living room boasted only a beige couch and a board of photos on the wall. A small television sat on the floor in the corner with bent antennas.

Then, he heard humming and the soft padding of bare foot on the wood floor. Kallen walked into view, holding a bowl of rice, wearing only a tank top and shorts.

_I'm such a pervert._ Suzaku wanted to leave, wanted to forget he ever came here like this, but he was glued in place. Kallen sat on the couch and ate quietly. His throat went tight as he admired her thin arms, long neck, and shapely legs. How cruel of her to leave them bare. Before he could reign in his thoughts, he wondered if she always dressed like this when she was alone.

Suddenly, her sharp gaze slammed into his wandering one.

"You know, most people use the front door," she said.

He froze and his brain short-circuited. Before he could convince his legs to flee, Kallen was at the window, shoving it open all the way.

"Get in," she hissed.

Hanging his head in shame, he crawled through the window and stood before her.

"Ugh, you stink," she told him. With angry shoves, Kallen pushed him into her bathroom and violently ripped his sweatshirt over his head, bringing his t-shirt with it as well. His baseball cap fell to the floor. Stunned, he allowed it.

"I'm going to wash these. Take a shower."

Finally, his mind caught up to him. He was half-naked in Kallen's bathroom. She hadn't screamed or told him he was supposed to be dead or tried to kill him again. Deeply, he regretted his decision to come here, but he couldn't shake the little warm spot in his chest at being seen and touched by another human being without being enshrouded in the mystery of Zero.

It only took five minutes to clean himself under the warm spray, but it took twenty minutes to muster the courage to face her again. Being without a shirt didn't help.

Arms folded across his bare chest, he stepped out of the bathroom and guiltily padded back to the living room where Kallen waited on the couch.

She did not sweep her eyes over his body like he had done to her. He hated himself even more. Then, she squinted and tilted her head, puzzling over something.

"Who cuts your hair?" she asked.

He blinked. "What?"

"Your hair. It should be longer by now. Do you cut it yourself?"

"Yeah. Erm... does it look okay?"

Kallen shrugged. "It looks the same. I just thought you'd look a lot different."

"Well, I'm a bit more pale."

Her eyes fell to his chest. "Yeah."

Suzaku shifted awkwardly. "You don't seem surprised to see me."

"I'm not. I knew it was you when you... when you killed Lelouch. I knew him enough to know he wouldn't pick just anyone to take his place. You were his best friend. And I've fought you enough to recognize the way you move."

He nodded and chewed his bottom lip, unable to look at her anymore. Standing before her without the disguise he had become accustomed to, Suzaku felt more vulnerable and exposed than he had in a long time.

Kallen sighed. "Do you want to sit down?" she asked blankly.

Without speaking, he shuffled over to the other end of the couch and sat. The girl beside him pulled her knees to her chest.

"Kallen-"

"Why did you come here? Why now?"

"I don't have a good excuse," he admitted, feeling foolish. "I've been worried about you."

Unexpectedly, she laughed into her knees. He looked at her, pouting slightly. Her shoulders shook with her giggling. His eyes were drawn to a pale scar that ran over her left shoulder.

"God, that's so dumb. You _died,_ Suzaku. You ran your best friend through with a sword. You've been living a lie, posing as the man you used to loathe with a passion and you're worried about me?"

"I deserve what I got. You don't deserve to be alone, Kallen."

Her foot lashed out and kicked his arm. "Idiot."

Suzaku caught her ankle and stood, pulling her leg up into the air. The girl was flung ungracefully onto her back. Her arms flailed to stop her from falling off the couch altogether. It was his turn to laugh.

"Let go," she demanded angrily.

"No," he hugged her calf to his chest and looked at her with childish triumph. Her other foot kicked his hip, but not hard enough to make him release her.

"Come work for Nunnally."

Kallen's eyes bulged, her mouth fell open. "If you're looking for a fuckbuddy, you're barking up the wrong tree."

His face felt hot. "I'm not... I don't want casual sex from you. I think you'd be a good advisor. Nunnally needs people she can trust. You're obviously confused about what your next move should be. Why not this? If it doesn't work out, then you can figure out something else."

She gave him a smile that was crooked. Her eyes went hazy and then watery. Covering her face with her hands, Kallen took a shuddering breath and said, "Suzaku, I was a chess piece. For years, I was a chess piece. Now the game is over and I can't-"

"You're more than that. Life isn't over for you just because Lelouch is dead."

The heels of her hands dug into her eyes, willfully forcing back tears.

"If it makes you feel any better, Zero may be different but he still needs his ace," Suzaku said, trying his best to be charming.

"You're an ass."

"And you're lucky you're cute. Only reason I'm trying to help you," he teased.

"So you are here for a booty call."

"You wish," he retorted, adjusting his hold on her ankle.

She squawked in indignation. "Whatever."

"Oh, please, you were the one ripping my clothes off earlier."

Kallen removed her hands to glare up at him. "You're the one who came to my house smelling like ass. I may be a former terrorist, but I am still a lady."

Suzaku let his eyes follow the curves of the leg he was holding. "Yeah, I know."

What happened next was a bit of a blur because the soft, warm skin of her calf distracted him. All of a sudden, he was laying on his back. Kallen knelt over him, her knee pressing into his gut. His shoulder throbbed from the impact. The scent of orange blossoms invaded his nose. He was sort of happy to find she smelled the same. The ends of her hair tickled his cheeks as she leaned in close.

"You're going to get killed if you let a pretty girl's leg ruin your focus."

"You're the only one I stare at."

"_Ugh."_ She rolled her eyes and crawled off of him. He listened to her feet patter against the bare floor as she headed into the kitchen. Dishes clinked against the countertop. He heard water running for a minute. Then, the clicking of a gas burner trying to light. Suzaku slowly climbed to his feet.

"Want some tea?" Kallen offered.

"Uh, sure."

"Oolong?"

"Yeah, whatever's fine." He ambled into the cramped kitchen area, sweeping his eyes over the chipped countertops, the bare shelves, and dingy curtains over the small, barred window.

Kallen's movements were slow and graceful as she spooned three scoops of sugar and poured a small amount of honey into her mug.

"How do you take yours?"

"I'll have what you're having."

She nodded and added the same amount of sugar and honey to his mug as well.

"Are you really not going to take the job?" he pestered. "I mean, you won't ever have to make your own tea again."

"I like making my own tea."

"What can I say to convince you?"

Kallen turned and rested her hip against the counter. "Who says I'm not convinced? I'm going to call Nunnally tomorrow morning."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

She shrugged. "I wanted to see if you'd beg."

"You're a piece of work." She exasperated him, but he hugged her anyway. Kallen struggled at first, but after a few minutes of him holding her body tightly against his, she gave in and gently wrapped her arms around his waist. She could hear his racing heartbeat.

"This would be a lot less awkward if you were wearing a shirt," she mumbled.

Suzaku rested his chin on the top of her hair. "You should've thought of that before you stole my shirt."

She pulled against his hold on her. "I didn't think you'd hug me, you big freak."

"Not the first time you were wrong."

For a moment, she was silent, thinking. He enjoyed the quiet while it lasted, inhaling the scent of her shampoo.

"Why are you so happy about me coming to the palace? Won't I just drudge up bad memories?"

Suzaku sighed. "I see Zero every time I look in the mirror. Seeing you won't be a bad thing."

Kallen playfully poked his side. "You like me."

"Yeah, maybe I do. Took one too many kicks to the head."

"Shut up."

Relief swept over him like a cool wave as the kettle began to whistle. Kallen would come to live and work at the palace. She would have a purpose again. He could watch over her, keep her safe, tease her until she smiled.

Still, the thought that maybe someone like Gino would be better equipped to pull her from her misery. Suzaku held her tighter, silently hoping she would be patient until he himself could be good enough. For the first time, he thought maybe he could be good enough again. Kallen Kozuki made a very compelling reason to try.


End file.
